Passion and Guilt
That's an interesting combination? Really, is it? Well, I've been thinking a lot about it lately as I work on my photography. Why? Because to become a serious photographer you have to have a deep passion and dedication to work at it, abandoning almost all else, except if you work fulltime, but then it's a near fulltime hobby. And to do that you have to abandon guilt about wondering about life outside the passion, except for the few things you have or want to do.
I've been thinking about it because I'm a generalist in some ways, I like to explore some things for awhile or in some depth, but then I quit to work on other things. I've taken hiatuses from photography over my life to the detriment of my work, knowledge and experience. Photography is a near every day thing, you have to devote your time and energy to it. But doing that I lose time and energy to learn the other things in life I enjoy, like writing, my Website, reading books, listening to music, and so on.
And so I experience guilt when work to much on my photography because I'm not doing other things, and I experience guilt when I'm not doing photography while doing other things. To have passion you have to lose perspective on life and other matters to the sole pursuit, or you have to ration your passion, and lose time doing what you love. And answers? I haven't found one yet, except to write about it.
When I retired I decided to focus on photography, but found the time being taken for my exercise program to stay healthy, my Website work, life - too many errands in too many places, my personal journey of exploration, and just being in a place, the typical routine stuff of living. And I find myself at times spending times reviewing where I was in my photography to catch up where I left. And every time I make a list of things to do, there's always the backlog and always the new stuff to do.
And maybe that's what we never learn in our life. There is no balance, and we choose what we will do. Our passion is always there, encompassing our being, and our guilt is the thinking in the real world.
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